Help Wanted
by BoomShroom
Summary: When the Koopalings end up destroying Bowser's castle, he demands that they take responsibility for their actions and raise the money to repair it. Join the Koopalings on their wacky misadventures through various jobs to gain enough coins to pay off their massive debt!
1. Chapter 1

**Help Wanted**

"Well, you did it." Bowser said matter-of-factly. "You took a blender, three jump ropes, and an industrial sized motor, and a bag of peanuts and managed to destroy the entire castle. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'd say that I won our bet." Iggy stated, then turned to his brother Larry. "Now pay up." Groaning, Larry reluctantly handed over the wagered money: a grand total of five coins.

Now Bowser was infuriated. "LOOK AROUND YOU! We are standing in the ruins of my once awe inspiring palace! Now look at it! Do you expect this pile of junk to strike fear into the denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom?"

"No." Ludwig said uninterestedly. "Pity, maybe. But fear? No."

Bowser growled, smacking his palm against his forehead. He sat down on a crumbled statue of himself, its destroyed face offering a perfect stool.

Twelve minutes. He had left them alone for twelve stinking minutes and this is what they had managed to accomplish. And worse yet, he seemed to be the only one who cared. Iggy was gloating over his victory to Larry, Wendy was taking a selfie in front of the demolished foyer to upload to Facelook, Morton and Lemmy were tossing a crumbled Bowser bust back and forth, Roy was lifting the heaviest pieces of rubble he could find, and Ludwig was tuning an instrument he had managed to salvage from the wreckage.

Despicable. Absolutely despicable. Now, Bowser was not known for his morals or sense of responsibility, but even he could tell that this was not something that could be overlooked or forgiven. No, the line had been crossed. This was something that his children would have to take responsibility for, whether they liked it or not.

Finally, with the force of a raging volcano and intensity of a thousand earthquakes, Bowser let loose an earsplitting roar that shook the very heavens.

For a brief moment, this was able to capture the attention of the seven Koopalings.

"You ungrateful, irresponsible little BRATS!" Bowser yelled. "Do you realize the severity of this situation!? Can you not comprehend what you have just done?"

Lemmy paused for a moment and tapped his claw against his chin. "Hmm...King Dad, are you angry?"

This was when something snapped within the Koopa King. "I...am **SO ANGRY!**"

Perhaps it was the way the ground cracked and crumbled when Bowser's voice exploded from his mouth and echoed through the air like a shockwave, or the way that every muscle in his body bulged and every vein in his temple twitched, but something about their father slightly unhinged the kids.

"Um, look, I know this looks kinda bad." Larry started, hoping to calm the fuming King of Koopas. "But we can fix it? Right, guys?" he said, turning to his siblings for help.

Morton stepped forward, hesitant and unsure. "Oh, yeah! All we need is a little, you know, glue and scotch tape, and uh..."

Bowser crossed his arms and shook his head. "Oh yes, you will be fixing it. ALL of you. By getting the money needed to pay for a brand spanking new castle! I'd say about 100,000,000 coins oughta be enough."

"What? Where are we gonna get that kind of money?" Wendy asked.

"By getting a job and earning it!"

This was met with several protests and excuses, such as, "What? Impossible!", "But I'm only a kid!", and "I don't wanna work like a peasant!"

"Enough!" Bowser silenced. "You WILL work, you WILL get the money, and you WILL not argue! My word is FINAL! Now, go find some work and earn some money!"

With that, Bowser Koopa promptly stormed towards where his broken, destroyed bed was, intent on taking a nap to relieve some stress.

The Koopalings looked at each other, at a loss of what to do.

"So, uh, how we gonna do this?" Roy asked. "I mean, are we just gonna stand around out here all day and hope the money just comes falling down from the sky and into our laps? 'Cause I'm cool with that!"

"No." Ludwig sighed, once again feeling as if he were the only one with a brain in his family. "We should start by going into the city and searching for any places that may be hiring."

"Fine, if we have to..." Wendy groaned.

As the Koopalings left the ruins of the once proud Bowser's castle, Iggy said, "Hey! How about I add the coins I won from our bet to the debt?"

Previous debt:

100,000,000

Coins earned:

5

Current debt:

99,999,995

"Oh yeah, we're on a roll now, baby!" Roy cheered, slapping high-fives with all of his bros.

Ludwig sighed. "This is going to be a long road ahead of us..."

**Well, here's my new Koopalings fic! I hope it'll be as entertaining and hilarious as I plan it to be. I have a bunch of ideas for different jobs that our wacky Koopalings can get, but if you all have any ideas, please let me know. Now, I probably won't use every idea you guys give me, but if you suggest a job that I think would be good for the story, than I just might use it. Anyways, thanks for reading, and please review!**


	2. Fast Food Frenzy

**Help Wanted**

The Koopalings arrived in the city in about half an hour. There were people walking this way and that, cars driving up and down the streets, and an air of busyness and compactness in the tight streets.  
"So, where do we start?" Morton asked, however, none of his siblings had an answer for him right away.  
As if a sign sent from above, a stray newspaper blew by and attached itself to Ludwig. He pulled it from his face and read 'Want Ads' in large bold print on the paper. His brothers and sister crowded around him to see as well.  
"Ooh, ooh!" Lemmy cheered, hopping up and down to get a better view over his siblings. "What's that? What's that?"  
"It's a list of available jobs." Ludwig explained, his eyes scanning the paper analytically. "I suppose this will help speed things along."  
"Oh! What about that one!" Wendy said, pointing to a rather large ad featuring an beautiful woman and various cosmetics. "VANESSA is a huge and famous company! I'll bet they totes have tons of high paying jobs that are absolutely fabulous!"  
Ludwig shook his head. "We're not skilled with makeup."  
"Well, it's not just makeup. They have tons of different departments. Like, clothes, modeling, and jewelry and stuff. Anyone with even the smallest sense of fashion can find a job at VANESSA."  
"In any case, I still don't think it's a good idea. None of us have an eye for fashion, especially you."  
Wendy took great offense to this. "HEY! I do to!"  
Larry snorted. "Have you looked in a mirror? Seriously, you look like a clown threw up on you."  
Wendy proceeded to smack Larry with her purse while the others continued.  
"How about that one?" Roy pointed at a job listing for an airline pilot.  
Ludwig sighed. "We don't even have driver's licenses, much less a license to fly a plane."  
"Iggy wants to do this one!" Iggy yelled, poking at a specific ad. Ludwig recoiled when he saw it.  
"NO! Absolutely not! I wouldn't even trust myself with such a job, much less you! We are NOT working at a nuclear power plant!"  
Iggy moaned in dejection, but didn't push any further. Ludwig straightened out the paper and glanced at the different ads until his eyes settled on one.  
"Here's one: a job at a fast food restaurant, McGoomba's. That sounds like a reasonable start."  
His siblings groaned. "Do we really hafta?" they asked in unison.  
"Yes." Ludwig stated, folding up the paper and tucking it into his shell. "We are not qualified for any higher positions, and this will be a fine start to learning about actually having a job. Even if it does suck..."  
"Fine." Roy sighed. "I'll do it. But I won't like it."  
"Excellent. Let us be on our way then." Ludwig commanded, and the other Koopalings followed him.  
"Ugh, I'm gonna hate this job..." Larry whined.

7Z7Z7Z7

Several minutes later, the gang found the McGoomba's and entered. They walked right up to the counter and spoke to the cashier.  
"Hey, welcome to Buger Koopa, may I take your order?" he said in a very bored voice.  
"Um, I thought this was McGoomba's?" Wendy asked.  
"Whatever." the koopa groaned. "You gonna order or what?"  
"Actually, we are here to apply for a job." Ludwig said formally.  
"All of you?"  
"Yes."  
"Well, congratulations, you got the jobs, 'cause I quit." he said, taking off his hat and placing it on Ludwig's head. "Talk to Kim. She'll tell you what to do."  
With that he walked out of the building, a slight spring in his step.  
"Uh...okay?" Morton said in a confused manner. "That was easier than I expected."  
"I guess we gotta talk to this Kim chick next, right?" Roy said, walking through the door behind the counter.  
A Toad girl with straight blond hair and a black spotted cap in her late teens saw the group as they walked in. "Wha-hey! This area is for employees only!"  
"We are employees!" Iggy said jubilantly, thrusting his hand out. "Just got hired! Nice ta meet'cha!"  
Suddenly, Larry pushed him out of the way, sending Iggy flying face first into one of the fryers.  
"Well, hello there!" he said, his voice slurred, hearts practically emanating from him. "I'm Larry. Who might YOU be?"  
The girl backed away from him as if he were the plague itself. "Kim, the manager. Now back off!"  
"Ah, you are Kim?" Ludwig asked, trying to hold Larry back, but to no avail. "We were told to see you. Are you the one who will be explaining our duties?"  
As Lemmy giggled about Ludwig's use of the word 'duty' and Wendy tried to pull a spasming Iggy from the fryers, Kim facepalmed. "Ugh, again? Why do I always get stuck with the crazies..." Then she stood up straighter and addressed all of the Koopalings. "Ok, listen up! I'll show you freaks around and what your jobs are. Just listen and do what you're supposed to. Got it?"  
Larry immediately saluted. "Yes, ma'am!" The other Koopalings agreed less enthusiastically.  
After Larry had been persuaded to stay at least five feet away from Kim at all times and Iggy's face had been removed from the hot grease, the tour began. Kim assigned Ludwig and Larry to be the cashiers up front. Lemmy, Morton, and Roy were to be cooks. Wendy and Iggy were in charge of the drive-thru.  
"Ok, everybody know their jobs now?" The Koopalings nodded. "Good. Now, I'll be in the back room taking care of some paper work. If you have any questions, PLEASE, hesitate to ask!"  
With that, Kim left the Koopalings alone.  
Her first mistake.

7Z7Z7Z7

Ludwig and Larry took their positions at the registers. Almost immediately, a customer came up to Larry.  
"Hello! Just a cheeseburger and a medium soda, please!" she said.  
"You got it! That'll be 45 coins, please!"  
The woman was shocked. "What? 45 coins? But on the menu it says 15 coins!"  
Larry waved her comment aside. "Look, lady, I don't set the prices here. But if you're willing to haggle, then I'll play along. 40 coins."  
"You're crazy!"  
"Ooh, you drive a hard bargain! Ok, 35 coins, but that's my final offer!"  
"No way! Forget it!" she shrieked and stormed out of the restaurant.  
Ludwig chuckled beside him. "Did you seriously think that would work, Larry?"  
"Hey, it was worth a shot! And we aren't gonna be making enough money if we just sell small! We gotta make big money, and fast! Or else we'll be spending the rest of our lives in the..." Larry gulped. "..._service industry_..."  
Ludwig shook his head. "We won't make any money with the way you're working. Slow and steady wins the race. Remember that."  
Soon another customer entered and approached Ludwig.  
"Hello, sir, and welcome to McGoomba's. May I take your order?"  
The rotund man adjusted his thick glasses and took a deep breath, as if he were sizing up an enemy. Then he began to rattle off his order. "I want a double triple mega Flopper with no pickles, extra cheese, and extra onions. Make sure you cook the beef with extra juices. I want my bottom bun cooked so that it's a light brown, but NOT the top bun. The onions should also be diced, not sliced, and I want the mustard UNDER the patty, not on top. Hold the lettuce and tomato. Oh, and I want a small order of fries. You know, I'm trying to cut back..."  
Ludwig's jaw had dropped considerably. The man had spoken rapidly and he couldn't remember all he had said. "U-um...I'm sorry, sir, could you repeat that?"  
The man repeated what he had just said, although even quicker this time, clearly impatient. Ludwig tried writing down everything he said, but was having a hard time doing so. Larry was snickering all the while.

7Z7Z7Z7

Meanwhile, Iggy began to take someone's order at the drive-thru.  
"Hey hey hey, welcome! What can I do ya fer!?" he shouted into the mic. The Goomba in the drive-thru winced from the high pitched noise.  
"Uh, I'll take a Flopper with a large Dr. Salt." he said, feeling a headache forming.  
"Okeydokey, you got it! Pull ahead to the next window and get your money ready!" Iggy shrieked again.  
The Goomba drove ahead to the window, where Iggy showed up. He flung the window open and leaned out, far enough that he nearly tumbled out and into the man's car.  
"That'll be 12 coins!" he said, his face very close to the driver.  
Terrified, the man, flung the cash at Iggy, who, unfazed, grabbed it and popped back to his position behind the window. "Thanks! Now go get yer food!"  
As the driver pulled ahead, still a bit traumatized from the ordeal, Morton approached Wendy.  
"Here's that guy's order." he said, handing the bag to her. She shrieked and jumped away.  
"What? What's wrong?" he asked, confused.  
"EwewewewEW! I am NOT touching that!" Wendy screamed.  
"What? Why not?"  
"It's greasy and disgusting and...EW! I HATE fast food!"  
Morton groaned. "You're not even touching it, just the bag! Look, I'm gonna leave it here. Just give it to the guy, will ya?"  
Morton placed the bag on a table beside the window and left. Wendy stared at it in fear and loathing.  
When the car pulled up by the window, she took a deep breath and sighed. "Ugh, I hate my life..."  
In one quick motion, she snatched the bag, flung the window open, and tossed the bag into the car's open window. The hot food inside flew out and landed all over the driver, causing him to scream and accidentally slam his foot down on the gas pedal. The car lurched forward and zoomed straight, until it smashed into a parked car ahead of it.  
"EWEWEW! #GROSS!" Wendy freaked out, immediately rushing towards the nearest sink, not even noticing the car accident.

7Z7Z7Z7

Roy watched her run by. "Sheesh, what a princess..." he grumbled, flipping a burger over.  
He heard grunting near him and turned to see Lemmy hopping up and down, trying to reach a bag of buns on a shelf high above him.  
"Lemmy, what're you doin'?" Roy asked.  
"I'm...trying...to grab...this!" Lemmy grunted, still hopping futilely.  
Roy smirked and cracked his knuckles and neck. "Heh, stand back shrimp. Let yer big bro handle this."  
Roy pushed Lemmy out of the way and tried grabbing the sack himself. However, even he couldn't reach it.  
"Grr...just...takes a little...effort..."  
After many failed attempts, Roy punched the wall out of frustration. This caused the shelf to break, and the sack to fall down onto a spatula balancing on the side of a counter. It flew into the air and landed in the fryers, sending a shower of hot grease into the air which landed on Roy. Screaming in pain, he stumbled back and bumped into Lemmy. Lemmy pushed him away in annoyance, and Roy was sent towards the grill. He tried to put his hands down to steady himself, but they only met searing pain from the burning hot surface. Roy began to flail around until he placed his hands into the nearest liquid...which just happened to be the grease from the fryers.  
Lemmy grabbed some fries and watched as this painful cycle continued for a few more minutes, not sensing any reason to help his brother out.

7Z7Z7Z7

Ludwig rushed back and forth, trying to satisfy all of the customers who had suddenly all decided to visit McGoomba's at the same exact time. At least twenty angry, impatient people were shouting orders at him, demanding faster service, and complaining. Meanwhile, Larry was on his break, which Ludwig found was really just an excuse for him to slink away from his post to play with two of the kid's toys, pretending that they were him and Kim on a date.  
"I said I wanted extra ketchup-"  
"I don't have all day-"  
"Why are there pickles in my drink and ice cubes in my burger-"  
Finally, Ludwig had had enough.  
"SILENCE!" he shouted. "Silence, all of you fat, calorie inhaling pigs! I will not take your damn orders! If anything, that is a favor towards you and your health! Now, if you obese ANIMALS will PLEASE shut your mouths for five minutes, I might just spare all of your pathetic lives! Which, might I remind you, won't last long anyways if you keep eating this garbage!"  
At first, the customers were shocked, but then regained their fury. They shouted obscenities and insults at him until they had all filed out of the restaurant.  
Ludwig collapsed onto the counter, covered in sweat, burger juice, and french fry grease. A migraine was already settling in.  
"Hey, you okay, Ludwig?" Wendy asked, almost placing a hand on his shoulder, but recoiling when she noticed how gross he was.  
"Do I look okay?" he asked, his voice muffled by the counter.  
"Aww, does somebody need some cheering up?" she asked mockingly. "I got just the thing to turn that frown upside down: a Happy Meal!"  
Ludwig stood up and glared at his sister. "Would you shut up? I am not in the mood for your idiocy!"  
Wendy glared back at him with equal anger. "Don't get mad at me! It was totally your idea that we work here! If you're gonna blame anyone for this crappy day, blame yourself!"  
"I'm the only one who has been doing their job correctly, despite loathing it the most! I can rightfully blame the rest of you for slacking off!"  
As the two argued, the Goomba from earlier entered, injured and still covered in burger ingredients. He did not look happy.  
"You two!" he yelled, startling the siblings. "Where is your manager?"  
"U-um...i-is there a problem, sir?" Ludwig asked.  
"You bet there is! Now, where's your manager!?"  
"I'll go get her..." Wendy said. By now, all of the other Koopalings had joined them, wondering what was wrong. A few minutes later, she was back with a confused Kim.  
"Is there a problem?" she asked.  
"Yeah!" the Goomba responded. "I can safely say that the service here stinks! I nearly had my eardrums blown by an obnoxious employee, nearly had a heart attack, experienced third degree burns, and crashed my car! And the worst part was, I never got my Dr. Salt drink! All because of your horrible service and terrible employees!"  
Kim was shocked. She quickly shot the Koopalings a death glare, then turned to the man again, apologetic. "I'm terribly sorry sir. We'll do everything we can to compensate-"  
"No, you won't. Because you don't work here anymore! You're fired!"  
She looked at him oddly, then said, "Uh, you can't fire me."  
"As a matter of fact, I can." The Goomba took out a card and tossed it to her. She read it aloud.  
"Gary McGoomba, C.E.O. of McGoomba's? You're THE McGoomba!?"  
"In the flesh!" he stated. "And that means that you, AND you're incompetent employees, are all FIRED!"  
Kim growled in rage and tore the card up. "You know what? Whatever! I hated this job anyways! So **** you, McGoomba! **** you and you're ******* company! I hope it freaking rots in a pile of **** along with you and all of it's ******* mindless employees!"  
The she turned to the Koopalings, possibly even angrier at them. "And YOU ******* *****! This is all you're ******* fault! If you freaks hadn't shown up, I'd still have a ******* job! So **** all of you, too!"  
The Koopalings were shocked by her excessive swearing. All except Larry, who muttered to himself, "Ooh, I like it when they're feisty! Rrowr!"

Shortly after, Kim and the Koopalings were thrown out of the restaurant, jobless once more.

"So, uh, I know this seems like a bad time," Larry began. "But would you like to go on a date with me, Kim?"  
She shot him one more glare before shoving him to the ground and storming away, muttering angrily to herself the whole time.  
"Heh! I'm sure she'll come around!" he commented, standing up and joining his siblings.  
"So, how much money did we make?" Roy asked blankly.  
"12 coins." Ludwig replied. "Total."

Previous Debt:  
99,999,995

Coins Earned:  
12

Current Debt:  
99,999,983

"Well, I'd say that all the gold we can milk from this joint." Iggy said, stretching. "Let's move onto a new job, eh?"  
"Agreed." Morton said. With that, the Koopalings left, back to square one again.


	3. Mama Mia! Italian Restaurant Insanity!

**Help Wanted**

The Koopalings found a nearby park, and claimed a bench to sit on and plan their next move. The bench, of course, couldn't fit all of them, so Morton was pushed off and Lemmy perched on the back of it while the others crowded around Ludwig to take a peek at the paper.  
"That last job was miserable." Ludwig groaned. "I'll settle for anything, as long as I'm in a higher position than an underling's underling."  
"Does that mean we can work at the nuclear power plant?" Iggy's eyes brightened.  
"Correction: anything EXCEPT that."  
Iggy sighed and sat back, and Lemmy pointed at the paper.  
"What about this: 'Experienced, mustachioed plumbers needed to exterminate crustaceans and other vermin from sewage system.'"  
"EW! I am NOT working in a sewer!" Wendy shrieked. "Who wants to slave away in a poop pipe? Gross!"  
"Than how about this?" Larry asked. "There are various positions open at a nearby Italian restaurant. That's gotta be better than fast food, and we already have some experience in the food industry. I say we head there!"  
Ludwig nodded at his brother. "That may very well be the only intelligent suggestion you've ever made in your entire life."  
Larry beamed, looking very proud of himself. "Heh! Yeah!"  
Ludwig facepalmed. "Apparently it will also be the ONLY one ever..."  
"Well, what are we waitin' around here for? Let's go!" Roy said, and the group headed out, dragging a bored, oblivious Morton who hadn't been paying attention to the conversation along with them.

7Z7Z7Z7

"Okay, you're-a hired!"  
The Koopalings cheered and slapped high fives with each other at the owner of the restaurant's announcement. Although, applying for the job had been the easy part. Now they had to actually work.  
"Get-a to you're positions. We're-a opening the doors in-a twenty-a minutes." the portly man said. Then he waddled off to get ready for the dinner rush.  
"Gee, getting a job sure is easy, huh Larry?" Lemmy asked, putting on his apron and chef's hat, which was several sizes too large.  
"Yup." his brother replied, straightening his bow-tie. "It's holding it down that's the hard part!"  
The two laughed and parted ways, Lemmy heading to the kitchen. The short Koopaling had been assigned to kitchen duty again, along with Iggy and Morton. Apparently, there was another cook who was to be working with them, but he hadn't met them yet.  
Until now.  
As soon as he, Iggy, and Morton walked in, there was a clatter of pots and pans as they fell to the ground, accompanied by a small shriek. A familiar figure pointed a shaky finger at them, their face ghostly pale.  
"W-what are you freaks doing here!?" Kim asked, horrified.  
Lemmy waved to her amiably. "Oh, hey, Kim! We just got hired here too!"  
"No!" she yelled. "This has to be some mistake!"  
"Nah, it's true." Iggy replied. "But it'll be great! Just like old times, eh?"  
Kim sighed and rested her head on the counter. Her energy and every shred of hope seemed to drain from her body. "This can't be happening..." Then she straightened up, rigid and frightened. "Wait...is...HE here too?"  
"Who? Larry? Oh, yeah, we all are! I guess he doesn't know you're here too, yet. Weird coincidence, though, how we're all working together again, huh?"  
"Coincidence? I think not!" a voice proudly stated. A moment later, Larry burst into the kitchen, a tablecloth tied around his neck like a cape for no apparent reason. Most likely an attempt to impress Kim. It wasn't working."I believe that it's FATE! You see, Kim? We are DESTINED to be together! The stars have predicted it! The heavens have foretold it! Now seal the deal with a KISS!"  
He puckered up and leaned towards the Toad girl, but his actions were met with a sharp uppercut. "Back the hell up! In case you didn't remember, you got me fired from my last job! All of you! So just leave me alone!"  
Lemmy, Iggy, and Morton backed away, hands raised defensively. Larry, once he had stood up and regained his balance, bowed to her. "Very well! If that is what mi'lady desires, than I shall restrain myself."  
Kim shot him an irritated look, then turned to get prepared for work. "Whatever. And take off that stupid tablecloth. You look like an even bigger idiot with that thing around your neck."  
"As you wish." Larry gave one last exaggerated bow and left the room. He joined Wendy and Ludwig in the dining room, who were also preparing themselves.  
"Ugh, I hate being a waitress..." she whined.  
"You haven't even started yet." Ludwig replied.  
"But I hate it anyways! Why do we have to work?"  
"Because the castle is destroyed and we need it to be fixed! Even if we wanted to go home, we would only return to a pile of rubble! So, we must toil away and suffer the hardships of the common working man. You can thank your brother Iggy and his radioactive monkeys for that..."  
"Gee, thanks for the lecture, _mom_." Wendy snapped.  
"Hey! Cheer up, guys!" Larry said, throwing his arms around his siblings' shoulders. "At least I'm happy! And that's all that matters!"  
They shoved him away with equal force, scowls set into their faces.  
"It's-a time! Places everyone!" the owner shouted.  
Roy held the door open as the first customers entered, two young women.  
"Welcome, ladies." he said, earning a smile from the two. However, when three men came up to the door shortly after, Roy held them back. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm afraid I can't let you in."  
"What? Why?" one of them asked. He was interrupted as another group of women walked by. Roy grinned and stepped out of the way to allow them to enter.  
"Hey! Why are you letting them in!?" one of the men pointed out.  
"No special reason, no special reason..." Roy said defensively.  
A group of four came up next, two men and two women. Roy let the women in, but held the guys back.  
"Sorry. You guys have to wait out here."  
"This is stupid! What's with you!?" one of them shouted.  
"Hey, I don't make the rules here, bub! If you wanna question them, then you can take it up with my coworkers, 'Agony' and 'Misery'!" he shouted back, raising his fists.  
As they argued, a family of three tried to squeeze in through the doors. Roy just barely caught them.  
"Oh, I expect you're gonna allow her inside, huh?" one of the males asked, pointing at the mother.  
Roy turned to the man she was with. "You her husband?"  
"Yes."  
"Than no, I won't."  
The little girl looked up at Roy, her eyes full of innocence and pleading. "Can I please go in?"  
Roy grunted, crossing his arms. "Maybe in ten years, kid."

7Z7Z7Z7

The waiters, Larry, Wendy, and Ludwig, were doing surprisingly well. Other than Larry trying to cheat people by adding extra zeroes to their checks, and Wendy commenting on the customers' fashion choices (or lack thereof), things were going smoothly. As always, Ludwig was the only one taking his job seriously and actually dealing with the customers with any amount of respect.  
The kitchen, meanwhile, was rather hectic. Morton wasn't very good at cooking. Or anything. He seemed to blank out at random times, simply staring off into space with a frying pan in his hand, the contents burning in a blazing fire, and then, after a few moments, utter something completely random, like, "Whoa...have you ever noticed that bathtubs are just reverse boats...?", make an exaggerated explosion noise, his hand moving away from his head in a 'MIND=BLOWN' gesture, and then notice that he had messed something up and return to reality. Other times, he would take random kitchen appliances and bang on them with whisks or wooden spoons, singing some rock rift to himself. Both of these habits annoyed Kim greatly.  
Lemmy refused to work without his special ball, Sir Bouncington Orangestar Jr. He rolled around the kitchen on it with surprising balance. However, it would often bump into things, creating all sorts of havoc. Although, it did add at least four inches to Lemmy's height, so at least he could reach the counter. Still, this annoyed Kim greatly.  
Iggy was a madman, was the conclusion that Kim came to. He would somehow find a way to add a 'special, secret ingredient' to every food item that he was commissioned to make. He dumped all kinds of crazy chemicals into the chicken Parmesan. He snuck tiny mechanical robots into the linguini. Kim could have sworn she saw him put a few drops of hydrochloric acid into the tomato soup. Unlike his siblings, this didn't annoy Kim. It worried her. A LOT.  
"Um...Iggy?" she said gently as he cut up vegetables. He was very skilled at it. A little too skilled. "Can I talk to you about your cooking techniques?"  
"Techniques?" he said far too happily. His hat was off kilter, and he held up the knife. It was stained with vegetable juices, and it gleamed in the light. "Ooh, I know all sorts of techniques! Like when you're cutting up a body so you can fit it into the trash bag easier, you wanna slice-"  
"Yeah, never mind." she said quickly, suddenly fearing for her safety. She rushed out of the kitchen, hoping to find the owner so she could warn him about his insane cook.  
What she noticed when she walked into the dining room was that it was full of only women. More specifically, young, good-looking women. She marched over to Roy.  
"Roy, what's going on here?" she snapped, knowing that the host must have something to do with it.  
He was busy holding the door back, an angry mob of men on the other side trying to force their way through. He looked up and sighed in relief when she arrived. "Whew, thank goodness! These guys are really pissed, and I need a break! Here, get over here and lean against the door-"  
"What are you doing!? They're customers too!" she yelled. "Who do you think you are, a bouncer at a club?"  
"I wish." he groaned. "It'd be a helluva lot more fun than this job. Cute chicks, cool music, getting to beat up morons...man, I really wish I wasn't here right now!"  
She shoved Roy out of the way, and instantly the guys on the other side spilled inside.  
"I'm so sorry, everyone." Kim apologized. "If there's anything I can do to make it up to you-"  
"You can let us tear that guy limb from limb!" one of them shouted.  
Roy raised his hands in a 'come at me, bro' gesture. "Oh, so you wanna piece of me? Well then, help yourself, pal! In fact, I'll take all of you on! Come and get it! It's an all-you-can-eat buffet of PAIN!"  
Roy pounded his fists together and the men let out a war cry, charging towards the Koopaling. He was soon lost under the mass of bodies.  
"This is a disaster!" Kim shrieked.  
"Order up!" Larry called, placing a plate on a table nearby.  
"DON'T EAT THAT!" the Toad girl screamed, diving towards the table. She tackled Larry to the ground, sending the spaghetti he was holding flying through the air until it landed on a disgruntled Ludwig's head.  
Larry chuckled, staring up at his crush. "Well well well, I just knew you would be throwing yourself at me sooner or later!"  
She groaned, not even bothering to slap him across the face. She stood up, glad to see that the customer wasn't harmed.  
"May I inquire as to why there are several micro-bots scrambling around in my hair?" Ludwig asked calmly, although his patience was clearly teetering on the edge.  
Iggy burst into the room. "Ooh, you found them! Good, good. Those ones were supposed to go into the ravioli."  
"Iggy, what exactly do these do?"  
"Slice you in half once they're in your stomach. Why?"  
"Why would you create something like that!?"  
"To help people lose weight." Iggy shrugged as if this was obvious.  
Ludwig facepalmed once more. "I wonder why you haven't been locked away in an asylum yet..."  
Lemmy then rolled in, worry evident on his face, but growing even more when he saw the brawl escalating by the front door and his brother covered in pasta and red sauce.  
"Oh...is this a bad time to mention the fire?"  
"FIRE!?" Kim shoved the small Koopaling out of her way and bolted into the kitchen. She immediately spotted the problem.  
Morton was standing right next to it, drumming on a pot with two spatulas. He didn't seem to notice the blazing inferno just inches to his right.  
"Morton!? What the hell!?"  
Morton looked up for a moment, confused, then spun around, seeing the flames. "Whoa! How did THAT happen?"  
Kim snarled and pulled him away from the fire, resisting the urge to push him _into_ it. She yelled back to his siblings who had gathered by the kitchen's entrance. "Fire extinguisher! Get the fire extinguisher!"  
At this, Larry blushed and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Kim narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What?"  
He chuckled nervously and said, "Well...uh...I sorta used all the foam stuff from the fire extinguisher to create a sculpture of your likeness...heh...I was kinda hoping it would be a surprise, but..."  
"Dude, even I could tell that was a stupid idea." Lemmy said, shaking his head disapprovingly.  
If looks could kill, Larry would be dead ten times over. But Kim wasn't even surprised that she didn't feel any angrier. She couldn't. Her rage level was already maxed out. "WATER, THEN, STUPID! THROW WATER ON IT!"  
He nodded and rounded up his siblings to help. Larry was terrified by the fury in her voice, but at the same time...a little bit turned on...  
A short while later, the fire was nearly put out, Ludwig and Kim doing most of the work.  
Hearing shouts from the dining area, Kim turned to the source. "I'm gonna go check it out. Iggy, come with-oh, what am I saying? Ludwig! Come with me! The rest of you, extinguish the flames!"  
Gladly, Ludwig joined her, the only other sane person around. They rushed out into the room, where they saw Roy standing on a table. All of the other patrons had left, except for the angry twenty or so men who he had managed to piss off. Surprisingly, Roy had managed to hold out. At least half of them lay moaning on the ground, clutching their wounds, while others lay unconscious.  
"YOU'LL NEVER BEAT ME!" he roared, beating his chest. One of the lenses of his sunglasses had broken, exposing his wild eye darting from foe to foe. "I'LL TAKE YOU ALL ON! YOU CAN'T BEAT MY SWAG!" One of the guys ran at him, but he tossed him over his shoulder like a rag doll, knocking him unconscious and shattering a table at the same time. "HA! DO YOU EVEN LIFT, BRAH!?"  
Ludwig sighed and pulled up a chair. He rested his face in his hands. "I give up. I officially give up. There is no saving our jobs now..."  
Kim looked back and forth between the still blazing kitchen, the mess of the dining room, and the feral Koopaling fighting the customers. Crushed by hopelessness, she joined Ludwig.  
Just then, the owner entered from the back room. "Oh my-a good-a-ness! What-a happened here!?"  
Roy spun around to face him. "GRAWR! A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!"  
The man cried out in fear, and Roy leaped from the table, elbow-dropping the poor S.O.B.  
"OW! Right-a in the-a raviolis..."

7Z7Z7Z7

**[SEVERAL CHAOS FILLED MINUTES LATER]**

"You're-a fired!"  
Tossed out on the street, the Koopalings and Kim stared at the owner as he returned to his ruined restaurant, fuming and red faced.  
Larry glanced at Kim. "Um...Kim...?"  
She held up a hand, effectively shushing him. "DON'T say it. I'm just going to leave before I end up murdering one of you." Her voice was surprisingly calm, but it was laced with deadly warning.  
With that, she left, the Koopalings staring after her.  
"I somehow doubt that's the last we'll be seeing of her..." Ludwig commented.  
Wendy sighed. "Whatever. Who cares? Now we're jobless again! See, this is why I wanted to work at VANESSA. At least I'd never mess anything up there."  
"We are NOT working at some namby-pamby girly fashion industry." Roy complained, rolling his shoulders. Despite his tough guy show, he was genuinely hurt and just wanted to lie down like a little sissy. "Anyways, how much money did we get?"  
"Even less this time." Ludwig answered. "Six coins."

Previous debt:  
99,999,983

Coins earned:  
6

Current debt:  
99,999,977

"Well, back to the drawing board." Larry sighed, leading the group back to the park.  
As they went, Morton had a sudden revelation. "Whoa...have you guys ever noticed that your left hand and left elbow have never and will never touch each other? Same with the right! It's like...weird, man..."  
Ludwig facepalmed and sighed for the umpteenth time. "Thank you for your brilliant contribution, Morton. Glad to know you have your priorities straight."

**Well, hope you enjoyed that chapter!**

**By the way, I wanted to give some credit to Kaiimi for the fast food idea last chapter. I mean, I had already planned to use it, but I definitely felt that I would do it after that. So, if you have an idea for a job that the Koopalings can get, don't hesitate to ask!**


	4. Badass Babysitters: Part 1

**Hey guys, what's up! This next chapter was inspired by a suggestion from Scarecrow314. Thanks for the suggestion, Scarecrow, it really helped me out of a small writer's block! And, as always, I hope you all enjoy!**

**Help Wanted**

Back at the park bench, squeezing into formation once again, the Koopalings returned to job hunting.  
"So, what now?" Lemmy asked, pushing his crazy rainbow hair back.  
"We need to find another job, obviously." Ludwig said, taking the paper out once more. "Any suggestions?"  
"I got one!" Iggy shouted, raising his hand.  
"For the last time, Iggy, we are NOT working at a nuclear power plant."  
Iggy's hand slowly fell to his side.  
"I got an idea." Roy stated.  
"How about this one?" Larry said, completely ignoring his brother. "'Experienced zombie slayers needed to exterminate dangerous infected individuals from Raccoon City.' Sounds pretty exciting!"  
"And gross!" Wendy shrieked. "Seriously, Larry, zombies!? Just...EW! I hate guts and blood!"  
"Than what would you suggest, princess?"  
"I stand by what I said earlier. VANESSA is a good option."  
"N-O." Roy said.  
"Guys! Guys! How about this one?" Lemmy pointed over Ludwig's shoulder at the paper. "It's about babysitting! I love sitting on babies!"  
"I don't think that's what it means..." Morton muttered.  
"Whatever, why not?" Ludwig sighed, folding up the paper. "That sounds better than zombies and nuclear disasters."  
"Then let's go!"

7Z7Z7Z7

The Koopalings were able to find the home easily. The family lived in a nice, out-of-the-way house in a quiet neighborhood.  
"Now, I want all of you on your best behavior." Ludwig said, rapping his knuckles on the front door. "These are children we are to be taking care of. I want each of you to remember that any harm that befalls them is solely our responsibility. Know that every action you take will impact these children's lives."  
"Yeah, yeah." Roy waved his hand. "We get it already, Ludwig, you Super High School Level Babysitter."  
Then the door opened, and a Toad woman and man were standing there, dressed in fine clothes.  
"Oh, hello!" The man said amiably. "You must be the babysitters!"  
"Yup, that's us!" Iggy cried. "Now where are the little rascals! We just can't wait to sit on 'em!"  
Ludwig quickly clamped a hand over his mouth. "He's just kidding. What he means to say is that we are very eager to start. We are _professionals_, after all." He spat the last part at Iggy, who nodded enthusiastically. Ludwig removed his hand.  
"Oh, of course!" The woman said. She then turned her head around and called back into the house. "Kids! Come here and meet your new babysitters!"  
Seven young Toad children, all of them most likely six years old or so, gathered behind their parents, and one by one, the mother introduced them.  
"This is Lucy, the oldest." She said, gesturing to a Toad with blue spots and thick, blue rimmed glasses. She was reading a gigantic book and seemed completely indifferent to what was happening.  
"Next there's Wendell." She pointed to the only boy, a Toad with a very colorful cap, bright pink, yellow, and purple spots adorning it. He tossed a blond bang out of his face with an expert flick of the wrist and trilled, "Aw, mom, I told you to call me Flavius, because I'm FABULOUS!"  
"Of course, Flavius." She rolled her eyes playfully, and then pointed at a freckled Toad who was wearing green and flipping a coin. "That's Lynda."  
She grinned at them, and there was a sly twinkle in her eye. "Hey, what's up? Anyone wanna play some cards...?"  
The father leaned towards Ludwig and whispered warningly, "Make sure you keep your wallet close."  
The mother then gestured towards a girl who was leaning against the door frame, the end of a lollipop sticking out of her mouth. It seemed like she was trying to imitate that it was a cigarette. She wore all red and scowled at the Koopalings. "This is Ruby." The girl let out a humorless laugh and turned away, losing interest.  
"This is Margaret." A girl wearing gray power slid forward, wildly strumming a toy guitar. She sang the notes to herself, and they came out as a garbled mess of gibberish that sounded anything but musical.  
"Mommy! Mommy!" A very small girl dressed in yellow hopped forward. "Me next! Me next!"  
"Okay, okay!" Her mother giggled. "This is Lilly. Don't give her any sugar."  
"Aww." Lilly pouted and folded her arms.  
"Well, that's about it. Our number is on the fridge, so please call if anything goes-"  
"Mother, you forgot someone." Lucy said, not taking her eyes off the book.  
Suddenly, the woman seemed very uneasy. This confused the Koopalings a bit. Behind the others stood another girl. She wore all black and had a very frightening look on her face, as if she was trying very hard not to murder somebody right then. The Koopalings, besides Iggy, shuddered. She looked like a mini serial killer.  
"Uh...um...th-that's Irene..." the father stuttered, and the mother nodded quickly. "W-well, we'll be off now. Good luck!"  
The couple quickly pushed past the Koopalings and headed to their car. Once they had driven off, the Koopalings entered the house and closed the door behind them.  
"Well, it is a pleasure to meet all of you." Ludwig smiled at the children. He then introduced himself and his siblings to them. "I hope that we may become fast friends."  
"Geez, Ludwig, you're talking to kids, not politicians. No need to be so formal." Roy rolled his eyes and shoved his brother.  
"Pfft, what a nerd, right?" Ruby snorted, high-fiving Roy.  
Ludwig shot a glare at his brother, but said nothing to him. Turning back to the kids, he said, "Well, since there are as many of you as there are of us, maybe we could work one-on-one with each of you. How does that sound?"  
"If so, than I'm taking the little firebrand." Roy said, patting Ruby's head.  
"Ok, just don't touch me again, or I'll tear your arm off and beat you with it, a'ight?" Ruby warned. Roy shrugged and followed her towards the living room.  
"You seem like fun." Lilly said to Lemmy, than whispered, "Got any candy?" Lemmy nodded, and the girl shrieked with glee. Then the two ran off.  
"Ooh, I just LOVE your style, girlfriend!" Wendell (Flavius) complimented Wendy.  
"Oh, why thank you!" she said. "You know, it's so hard to never be appreciated when I look so beautiful."  
"I KNOW!" he replied. "Some people just wouldn't recognize chic fashion if it slapped them on the tushie! Oh, we should TOTES talk fashion tips, like, right now, girl!"  
"Okay, let's go!" The two squealed and ran up the stairs.  
"Heyyougotanyfrenchfries,causeIgotaseriousaddictio nforthatstuff-WHOA,you'reabigturtle!" Margaret spoke so quickly that nobody could tell what she said. Except Morton.  
"Yeah, I freakin' love French fries! Let's go get some!" The two darted towards the kitchen.  
"Hey, what's up, turtle-toes?" Lynda elbowed Larry. "You look like a guy whose got Lady Luck smilin' down on him!"  
Larry grinned. "Oh, I've gotten plenty of ladies smiling down on me before, I'll tell you that much..."  
Lynda snapped her fingers and drew a deck of cards from her pocket. "Right-o, daddy-o. I don't doubt that for one second. But back to the chase, cupcake, how 'bout we make a deal? A simple game of Go Fish with me. We bet five coins. Easy money, easy money. Pocket change, really. You shouldn't have nothin' to worry about. Unless you're scared that the Lady of Good Fortune ain't really on your side after all?"  
Ludwig shook his head and tried to warn Larry, but his brother's pride was too strong. "You're on, little girl. But I gotta warn you, I'm an expert at card games. There's no way you'll beat me."  
As they walked away, Lynda patted him on the back and reassured him. "Right, right. I'm sure you got nothin' to worry about playin' an honest game with an innocent dame like me." Behind her back, her fingers were crossed.  
Lucy scoffed. "There goes Lynda again, scamming another fool. I hate my stupid siblings..."  
"You're not the only one." Ludwig muttered. Then he glanced at the title of the book she was reading. "Oh my goodness! 'Journey to the Center of Uranus' by Jules Fern!? I adore that book!"  
She nodded slightly, but there was a flicker of interest in her eyes. "Ah, so I see you have some taste. Very well. I suppose I should take this opportunity to share my collection with the only other organism here that possesses a brain."  
Lucy shut the book and led Ludwig to her room, leaving Iggy and Irene alone.  
Iggy grinned at the girl, not deterred by her eerie demeanor in the slightest. "So, you wanna hang out?"  
_"Hang?" _the girl said. Her voice was like a raspy whisper, menacing and unearthly. Her mouth did not move when she spoke, and it was as if the words were being implanted into Iggy's head. Iggy nodded, the dopey grin still plastered on his face.  
_"Very well...I know of a place where one can 'hang'..."_ Slowly, she literally glided over the ground towards the door that led to the backyard, beckoning him with a pale finger, the nail long and sharp.  
"Ooh, cool trick!" Iggy commented, skipping towards her. "You must be fun at parties!"

**This is actually going to be a multi-chapter arc. Maybe only two chapters, but I felt that the chapter would be way too long if I threw everything into this one.**

**I had a lot of fun with this chapter. As you probably guessed, I tried to make a parallel between the personalities of the kids and the Koopalings. I'm sure it'll be fun to have the Koopalings babysit kids that are just like them.**

**So who's your favorite kid? Your favorite Koopaling? Are you as sure as I am that this is not going to end well? Please review, and if you have any ideas, send 'em my way! I can always use the support!**


	5. Badass Babysitters: Part 2

**Help Wanted**

Ruby cracked her knuckles, smirking at Roy. "You really think you're tougher than me?"  
"Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm tougher than a little girl." he chuckled as if it was obvious.  
Ruby scoffed and left the room. A moment later she returned with an object. Suddenly, she slammed the end of it into the coffee table, startling Roy.  
"What the hell?" he exclaimed.  
"Five-Finger-Fillet." Ruby explained. She placed her hand on the table, palm down, and spread her fingers. Then she picked up the knife.  
With blinding agility and precision, she stabbed in between her thumb and index finger, then in between her index finger and middle finger, then back in between her index and thumb, and so on. Roy stared, mouth agape, until the Toad finally stopped. There wasn't a scratch on her, but there was several marks on the table.  
She passed him the knife, still wearing a smug expression. "Think you can pull that off, fat fingers?"  
Roy grunted and snatched the knife from her. "Anything you can do, I can do twenty times better."  
He placed his hand on the table, the sharp point of the knife hovering above it. For a moment he hesitated, but then he began stabbing the knife in between his fingers. He started off slowly, but then picked up the pace. It wasn't long before he nicked a couple of fingers and outright stabbed himself.  
"Ow!" he roared, and proceeded to swear so furiously that even the most foul-mouthed sailor would have blushed.  
Ruby, on the other hand, was laughing at his misfortune.  
"Ahahahaha! Oh, that's too funny!"  
Roy glowered at her, sucking on the cuts. "Shut up! So that's one thing you beat me at. I bet you don't even lift, girlie."  
She glanced at him, and Roy stood up. He walked over to the couch and picked it up easily with one hand. He grinned triumphantly and tossed it back onto the ground. He sat down again and said, "Your turn."  
Ruby sneered and rolled up her sleeves. She approached the couch and tried to get a good grip on it. Once she had both hands firmly on one side, she used all of her strength to lift it.  
It didn't even budge.  
Now it was Roy's turn to guffaw. But after a mean right hook and a swift kick between the legs, he was silent, save for his groans of pain.

7Z7Z7Z7

"So, what do you wanna do now?" Lemmy asked, tossing the last candy wrapper onto the huge mound that had accumulated beside him.  
"I dunno." Lilly replied, collapsing onto a pile of Mushmallows and Gummy Wigglers. "When I'm bored, I usually just annoy my sisters and brother."  
"Wow, me too!"  
Lilly sat up. "Wanna go mess up Wendell's closet?"  
"Yeah!"  
The two of them raced out of the laundry room, where Lilly had stashed her secret candy stash, and up the stairs to Wendell's room. They burst through the door, startling the two people inside.  
"Lemmy? Lilly? What are you two doing?" Wendy asked as they charged in.  
"Ex-CUSE me, Lil! We're discussing something super important here!" Wendell pouted.  
Lilly didn't listen, and neither did Lemmy. Laughing giddily, they leaped into the closet, dancing in chic accessories and tossing stylish clothes over their heads.  
"No!" Wendell screamed, his hands flying to his face. "Those are designer!"  
"Lemmy, what kind of example are you setting!?" Wendy shrieked.  
"A fun one!" Lemmy flung a pair of leather boots into the air, and they hit Wendy square in the jaw.  
"Think fast, Wendell!" Lilly tossed a pair of expensive jeans at her brother, who narrowly dodged it.  
"Oh, this is SO unfabulous!" Wendell wailed.

7Z7Z7Z7

"Behold," Lucy said, holding up a strange device. "The Transparaficationer."  
"Transparaficationer?" Ludwig inquired. "That seems like a rather...odd name..."  
Lucy smiled at him knowingly. "Yes, it is meant to be. Imbeciles far beneath our superior intellect just love simple names with the effect stated in the name. Since my invention is to be presented to the _esteemed_ scientists of Woohoo Hoonivesity, I took the liberty of dubbing this contraption with a dull witted name to suit them. Although, it deserves better than that..." There was a strong note of sarcasm in her voice.  
"So, how does it work?"  
"It's really quite simple. By changing the pigmentation of one's skin ever so slightly, and-"  
Quite suddenly, the door to Lucy's room burst open, and Morton and Margaret charged in.  
"Yo!" Morton yelled. "Has anyone seen Señor Shocks-a-lot?"  
"Señor...who?" Ludwig asked. "I do not believe I am acquainted with this man...Is he perhaps an electrician, or...?"  
"Ah!Thereheis!" Margaret shouted, pointing at a toaster on Lucy's lab table. "SeñorShocks-a-lot!Myfavoritebathtoy!"  
She reached out to grab it, but Lucy hurriedly snatched it away.  
"What do you think you're doing!?" she snapped. "This is no ordinary toaster! Not anymore. It is a gateway to another realm! A threshold to another dimension!"  
"Really?" Morton scratched his head. "'Cause it looks like any old toaster."  
Lucy pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, clearly perturbed. "Hmph. As expected from mere simpletons. You do not understand one bit. You see, I have modified this toaster in such a way that it allows travel between dimensions. The complexities are far too elaborate for your tiny minds to handle, so I shall give you the moron's edition as to how it works." She suddenly changed her tone to a very condescending (well, even MORE condescending) manner, but Morton and Margaret didn't seem to notice. "Put stuff in toaster. Toaster makes magic door to other world. Get it?"  
Morton and Margaret shrugged. "I dunno. Sounds too complicated."  
Lucy facepalms. "Oh, for the love of...I hate you idiots..."

7Z7Z7Z7

"Aw, ya beat me again!"  
Larry smirked, sitting back in triumph. He had just beat Lynda in another card game and had so far scored himself five coins, three candy bars, and a dollhouse that he was quite sure belonged to Lilly. He wasn't sure what he was going to do with it, but, hey. Stuff is stuff, and it's better to have as much stuff as possible, right? Larry thought so, anyway.  
"Yep. Sorry to say, Lynda, but you're just no match for me."  
Lynda, despite her losses, smiled back at Larry and leaned forward. "Yeah, you sure got me. But waddaya say we play again, eh? But this time, we up the ante. I'm thinkin'...twenty coins. And a bag of Mushmallows. I ain't fiddlin' around in them small ponds no more, no. Let's take it up a notch and go for some big fish, ya get me?"  
Larry raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? You've been losing."  
Lynda waved his comment off. "Ah, fuggettaboutit! Today's a new day, yeah? Don't matter 'bout the past, just gotta keep movin' forward, right? And...uh...other such sayin's and whatnot. So, waddaya say? You game?"  
Larry stared at her for a moment before nodding. "Sure. I'm game."  
Lynda smiled again. "That's what I like to see! That's why I like you, man! You're cool, confident, ain't afraid to take risks! With that kinda attitude...you're gonna go places, kid! You're gonna be somebody!"  
With that, Lynda began shuffling the cards, the corners of her lips twitching up into the faintest of smirks as she did so. "Sucker..."

7Z7Z7Z7

When Iggy and Irene arrived in the backyard, the girl pointed towards a stunted, dead, gray tree in the middle of the yard.  
"Stand there." she commanded. Iggy, without question, walked towards the area. Once he was standing under its branches, Irene produced a rope from nowhere. It was tied into a noose.  
"Ooh! Another cool trick!" Iggy clapped. "Are you some kind of magician?"  
Irene glared at him, but said nothing as she tied the noose around his neck.  
"Oh, what are we gonna do with this? Are we gonna play 'Doggy'? Okay! I'll be the doggy and you be the owner! Woof woof!"  
Irene pointed a finger at him, and Iggy found himself levitating in the air. He floated towards a tree branch.  
"Whoa! Cool! So we're playing 'Magician' instead! Wow! I guess I'm the volunteer, right? Ooh, I wonder what happens ne-"  
Iggy was cut off as the end of the noose tied itself around the branch he was suddenly dropped. Iggy choked and spluttered for a moment before hanging still.  
Irene narrowed her eyes. It had amused her for a moment, but just barely. It wasn't enough.  
She turned to leave, but was interrupted by a voice behind her.  
"Cool!" Iggy cheered, still awkwardly hanging from the branch, but appearing to be extremely happy. "That was awesome! Did I play dead well? Huh? Did I? Did I? Did I?"  
Irene stared at him in confusion. _"What...how are you not dead...?"_  
Iggy grinned like a dork and shrugged casually.  
_"Impossible..." _Irene moved her finger horizontally and cut the rope, dropping Iggy face down onto the ground.  
"Ta-dah!" he sang, jumping into the air. Then he dramatically stated, "Spectacular! Astounding! What impossible feat will the Amazing Irene, Enchantress of Wonder and the Unknown, accomplish next?"  
Irene glowered at Iggy. She levitated him once more, and slammed him into the ground. Hard.  
"Ooo...The Amazing Irene...seeks to till the land with my face?" Iggy groaned, still smiling. "Very well! But perhaps she should use my sister. She has been known to be quite the hoe! Hoho! Zing!"  
Once more, Iggy was smashed into the ground. Then again. Then again. Then the tree. Then back to the ground. Then lit on fire. Then covered in snakes...  
Each time, Iggy came out alive. And each time he cracked some stupid joke or pun and acted as if this was all very normal for him.  
_"Why...won't...you...DIE!?"_ Irene shrieked, bludgeoning Iggy with a mace.  
"Good idea...Irene..." Iggy managed to chuckle, his face swelling in bruises, many of his teeth lying beside him. "It's always good...to use mace...to protect yourself...from weird guys..."  
Irene dropped her weapon and stared at Iggy. He was getting to his feet despite his wounds. His lopsided grin was still plastered on his face.  
She backed away slightly. _"Are you...even mortal...? How can you withstand MY attacks?"_ She surprised herself at the note of fear in her voice. Fear. An emotion she had elicited from people, but never thought she'd ever experience herself.  
Iggy approached her, and she fell backwards. He bent over her, his face close to her's.  
His eyes. There was something in his eyes. Something that struck pure terror into her black heart, into her dark soul, the soul of Irene, the Devil Child.  
Very slowly, very clearly, and very calmly, he spoke. His expression was constant, not wavering from his eerily controlled smile and unsettling wide eyes.  
"I don't care who you are. I don't care if you're a demon. I don't care what kind of hell you crawled out of. I don't care if you're evil incarnate, or the spawn of some devil. Because no matter who you are, no matter what you are, you can't beat me. You can't beat Iggy. So, instead, join me. Let's sing and dance and play together. Let's run in the fields, let's swim in the ocean, let's watch the stars. Let's be together, let's not fight. Let's be _friends_..."  
_"W...what are you...?"_  
He leaned closer, his eyes narrowing. His voice was but a whisper now. "I'm Iggy. And that's all you need to know."  
A moment passed where neither one of them moved. Then Iggy was standing, offering a hand to Irene.  
"Now, then, let's keep playing! I've yet to see a smile on that pretty face of yours! And what a waste that would be, wouldn't it? I bet you'd feel just dandy with that frown turned upside down! So I won't stop playing with you until I can get you to smile! So, come on! Time's a-waistin'!"  
Irene stared at the Koopaling before bursting into tears. She sobbed and wailed and ran into the house.  
Iggy sighed, lightly bonking himself on the head. "Ah, Iggy, you've gone and done it now. Making a little girl cry...what kind of role model am I? I'm a terrible babysitter."

**Kind of a short chapter, but whatever.**

**Well, the morons are on the loose, and Lynda is probably gonna scam Larry out of a ton of money. Thought I'd try my hand at some dark humor at the end there with Iggy and Irene. Any of you feel for poor Lucy and Ludwig, the only sane ones?**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed, and please review!**


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